Sugar is for sissies
by Plush Panda
Summary: According to Thirteen, there are rules for eating strawberries. Pointless one-shot. Cameron/Thirteen.


**Sugar is for sissies**

"I'm gonna get me something to eat," Cameron stated when commercials interrupted her program. She would've just gone to the kitchen if someone's legs weren't draped across her lap. The blonde was the only one watching TV from the comfort of her couch. Thirteen's attention was long lost to some article she was reading, having commented how there was enough drama at work and how she didn't need to see any more of it on screen.

"Have fun," was the distracted reply.

Cameron cleared her throat exaggeratedly, patting the other woman's leg. The reaction wasn't immediate, but eventually Thirteen seemed to realize what the problem was and lifted her legs. "That better be some damn good article you're reading there," Cameron threatened, smiling. On her way to the kitchen, she made a brief detour to glance over the brunette's shoulder. Thirteen dropped the magazine in her lap and turned to face her.

"It's about a theory on how people are born as bisexuals and only turn straight because they're raised like that." She didn't need to waggle her eyebrows to imply anything, the look she was giving Cameron said it all.

"That's such a load of—"

"Interesting ideas?" she interrupted.

"That too, but there's too much research proving that homosexuality is genetic. Brains of gay men appear the same in some areas as straight women, and the same is true the other way around."

"A woman can only hope," Thirteen said, lifting the magazine so she could continue to read. The remark earned her a playful slap on the shoulder. "Ow," she said in mock hurt, pouting at the blonde. "What was that for?"

"For implying that the world would be a better place if you could bed anyone you wanted." Cameron stole a glance at the TV, and, expecting the movie to start soon, headed for the kitchen quickly.

"You just wait until you are rejected because you're a girl," she responded, flipping a page.

"You've been rejected?" Cameron paused in her rummaging, then remembered the movie, and quickly finished gathering the ingredients to prepare her snack.

"What do you think?" she asked rhetorically, smiling at the faith Cameron implied having in her charm. "I know my looks are to die for, but sexuality is a border I just can't cross." Her smile became more smug in nature, remembering that their relationship was evidence for her being able to cross that border. "Most of the time, anyway," she added.

"Oh please," Cameron began confidently, walking back into the living room with a bowl of strawberries. "If you were ugly I'd…" she trailed off, realizing too late what she would do if the brunette had been ugly. She regretted the words immediately, hoping that Thirteen wouldn't have noticed.

There was no God listening, however.

"If I was ugly, what?" Thirteen raised her eyebrows expectantly, repositioning her legs so that Cameron could seat herself in her previous position.

"I would've ditched you like last Thursday's garbage." She smiled sweetly, plopping herself on the couch and allowing the brunette to stretch her legs over her lap again. With disappointment she noted how the commercials still weren't over.

Thirteen chuckled, not taking her eyes off the magazine in front of her. "My, Cameron, how superficial of you."

"Are you telling me you would date someone who you didn't think was attractive?" She raised a skeptical eyebrow, turning to look at the other woman. "That sounds awfully contradictive to me, _Hadley_."

Thirteen was about to say something, when she saw what the blonde was eating. Or rather how she was eating it. "What is _that_?" she asked, pointedly looking at the strawberries. Cameron looked down at the bowl of strawberries she was holding at chest height. She shot the doctor an playful smirk.

"I believe they're called breasts," she answered teasingly. This threw Thirteen off for a moment, but she soon caught herself.

"I know, we're intimately familiar with each other." Her lips curled up into a smile of her own when Cameron nudged her. "I meant the strawberries, what have you done with them?"

"You mean the icing sugar?" She impaled another piece of fruit on her fork and purposely slipped it into her mouth sensually, knowing Thirteen was watching. Sadly enough, it didn't earn her the reaction she was hoping for.

"You're not supposed to eat strawberries like that," she said, sounding almost indignant. "With a fork no less."

"There're rules for eating strawberries?" she asked plainly, not taking mind of the brunette's protests. Distantly, she noticed that the commercials were over.

"First of all, you don't put sugar on your strawberries. Sugar is for sissies. You drizzle them in chocolate sauce or throw in whipped cream." Cameron laughed, shaking her head incredulously. "Secondly, you do not cut them in pieces. And most important of all, you do not, under any circumstances, eat them with a fork."

"Is that before or after you make a mess of yourself?" she asked, watching the TV and ignoring the way Thirteen threw the magazine on the coffee table before leaning in closer. She even managed to overlook the stolen strawberry and how it was eaten. She was not, however, capable of disregarding the way she sucked the remaining sugar of her fingertips. Cameron's newly adopted blank expression pleased Thirteen – immensely.

"Making a mess of yourself comes with its perks," she whispered, leaning in to press a strawberry flavored kiss to the blonde's lips. "You get to clean up afterwards."

Cameron passed her teeth over her lower lip, hesitantly weighing her options as smoldering eyes watched her closely. Though her thought process was rudely interrupted when the movie took a rather dramatic turn for the worst with an alerting scream. It was obvious to Thirteen that she had chosen to watch the movie due to the further lack of reaction.

"The blond chick dies in the end, the future is all her imagination," she explained dryly, waiting for _her_ blonde to turn her attention back on her.

"Damnit, Rem! That's the third time you spoiled a movie for me!" Cameron complained, annoyed. She continued to eat her strawberries, stubbornly watching the film anyway. Thirteen watched with barely contained affection as the woman pouted and pretended to ignore her even though she was practically sitting in her lap.

"And it will be the third time we end up doing something better." She smiled mischievously, trailing lazy, hopeful kisses up her neck, nuzzling the sensitive area every once in a while. Cameron raised her shoulder in reflex, giggling at the tickling sensation.

"I'm angry at you," Cameron protested lamely, leaning forwards to leave the empty bowl on the coffee table but never really pulling back from the other's amorous attention.

"I bet you are," she whispered between kisses, slipping her arms around a slim waist.

"Remind me never to watch a movie with you again." Cameron turned to the other woman, giving her the opportunity to trail kisses up to her mouth.

"Hmm," she hummed thoughtfully, placing a brief kiss on her lips. "No."

"Fuck you." Cameron yelped when she was suddenly pushed over.

"Okay." Thirteen smirked down at the blonde victoriously before inching closer and catching her lips in a more passionate kiss. Cameron sighed into the kiss as it deepened. She wasn't disappointed when eager hands sought out warm skin, her breath hitching as those fingers trailed up her stomach and found sensitive flesh.

The moment was rudely interrupted by the phone ringing and as much as Cameron loved to ignore the sound, Thirteen could not. She withdrew her hands and reached for the end table next to couch.

Cameron, in lieu of groaning in disappointment as she had planned, took the opportunity to slide her own hands under the brunette's shirt. She trailed them up her back lazily, blue eyes darkening in admiration as the other woman arched into the touch. Unable to resist, she leaned in to kiss the exposed neck.

"_What?_" Thirteen asked gruffly, sounding somewhat out of breath, but not moving from her position because she so loved Cameron's tender touches. The searing wet heat moving across her throat was making it hard to focus on whatever the man on the phone was saying, but eventually she got it. She pressed the receiver to her shoulder.

"Your mother wants to know if you are available for dinner Friday night." As soon as the word 'mother' registered with the blonde she stopped all ministrations and grabbed the phone from her.

"Hello?" Cameron asked, too focused on the voice on the other end of the line to notice Thirteen was unbuttoning and unzipping her jeans.

"_Do you have a few minutes for our survey on eating habits?_" Cameron cursed Thirteen's playfulness when she heard the man's voice and initially wanted to hang up, but changed her mind when she saw the woman watching her, licking her lips sensually. She had gotten so close to her own face that she almost felt her tongue brush up against her lips, her breaths tickling across her cheek.

Cameron swallowed, knowing this was oh, so wrong. "Go ahead," she said, directing the answer both at the man on the phone and Thirteen. The brunette grinned salaciously, slipping a hand down the front of her jeans.

"_How often do you eat fruit?_" The man's voice was plain and sounded bored – a stark contrast against the gentle passion with which Thirteen had started to place kisses on the side of her neck.

"Every day, with ex-_cep-_tions." Cameron's breath hitched towards the end of her answer as the woman on top reached her destination with her fingers. If it wasn't for the steady need building up in her body, she would've scolded the brunette for starting on her when she was speaking.

"_What kind of fruit does this usually consist of?_"

"Apples," she squeezed her eyes shut as she felt Thirteen suck on her pulse point, her fingers exerting extra pressure, making her momentarily unable to produce a coherent answer.

"_Only apples?_" the man asked curiously. Thirteen's mouth followed as a free hand unbuttoned her blouse and revealed more skin, teeth passing along her flesh carefully. The tempo increased, sending an involuntary jerk through the blonde's body.

"Strawberries, oranges." She arched her back, breathless. "Nothing too exotic." Thirteen would have smiled at the strangled answer, perhaps even laughed, if she wasn't so taken by the woman squirming under her. As it was, she barely even heard her speak.

"_Do you eat fish on a regular basis?_"

Cameron smiled, laughed and choked on a moan all at the same time as fingers slipped inside of her. She hung up on the man, not caring for the annoying voice talking in her ear.

* * *

"Wow," Cameron breathed, relaxing back into the couch even as Thirteen settled down next to her. "That was amazing." She turned to look at the other woman, who had taken to smiling smugly. "Where did you—the thing where you—"

"I'm just that good," she said simply, draping an arm over Cameron's waist. The couch left little room to do anything else besides practically lying on top of each other. The blonde raised a skeptical eyebrow at her, not impressed. Thirteen returned the look with one of her own. "No, really, I'm just that good," she insisted, sounding as serious as the situation allowed her. "What do you want me to say, the internet?"

"Hey, I don't know what you do in your spare time," Cameron said with a smile, raising an available hand defensively. Thirteen gave her an amused look; one that expressed she wasn't going to say what she was thinking. The older woman narrowed her eyes at her, wondering what she was thinking about until—"Oh, shut up."

"_You_ were thinking it," she responded laughingly. "In fact, I'm slightly offended you feel the need to shut up my thoughts. I'm not all about sex."

"You were the one to jump me," Cameron pointed out helpfully, turning onto her side to face Thirteen properly. Once properly situated, she tangled their legs and huddled closer.

"After you seduced me with your strawberries," Thirteen shot back, unable to help but smile.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked indignantly, suspecting there to be a metaphor in the game.

"It means you," her eyes flickered over to the phone as it started ringing again, "seduced me with your strawberries." They both looked at each other while the phone continued to ring, unspoken promises being made as they stared each other down. Then, as if on cue, they both struggled to get to the phone first. Thirteen took matters into her own hands quickly – literally. She pinned Cameron's hands above her head and rolled on top of her, allowing her to reach for the phone in the meanwhile. The blonde continued to struggle futilely, a laugh of reluctant delight escaping her. "Hello?" Thirteen answered the phone, biting her lip as she tried to keep Cameron still.

"_You two were having sex,_" House's distinct voice accused.

Thirteen halted her attempts to still the woman beneath her. "What?" she asked, caught off guard entirely. Cameron looked up in wonder at the sudden change in her counterpart.

"_Do you have a few minutes for our survey on eating habits?_" he repeated, his smug grin practically audible through the phone. Thirteen's mouth fell open. "_I'm impressed. I never thought you would get goldilocks to participate in phone sex."_

"What?" Cameron whispered, getting slightly worried at the brunette's blank expression.

Instead of answering the man on the phone, Thirteen hung up, put the phone away and set Cameron with a grave expression. "I'm going to tell you something, and you're not going to like it."

* * *

House grinned at his mobile on the table, and disconnected the call once the line went dead. "Monday night is sex night," he said simply, pocketing the device.

Wilson, who sat at the other end of the dinner table, was hiding his reddened face in his hands, staring at the place where the phone once was.

"You owe me lunch for the next month," he pointed out, getting up to leave Wilson to gather his intelligence from the floor.

Wilson remained staring.

* * *

**This is so bad on so many levels, I don't know where to begin xD**


End file.
